Continue? YES - NO

Big week, but not big enough considering I am within a month of leaving. I am running out of time and already I have too much to cram into 3 weeks.




After feeling sorry for myself because no-one is sending me emails I picked myself up with a can of Mother (half a litre of adrenaline) and went for another round of Camera shopping. Initially I was given some advice from some Doco camera guys to go with a camera that films onto tape, but after shopping around I found that they are going the way of the dodo and that airport scanners kind of screw them up. This time I thought I knew what I wanted; digital full HD camera with directional mic mount, 4 hour internal HD, full manual control and timelaps feature.


Turns out not.


My budget is really tight in every possible way, and despite vague the possibility of more work (phone call 3 weeks ago, no word since) before I leave it was not looking good as cameras with external mic jacks start at around $1400. However a suggestion was made by some honest young sales-dude that I look at filming on a Canon 550D SLR photo-camera-madoodad. But those are for JPEGS not .mov's, I thought to myself. Little did I know that an entire episode of House was in fact shot on the same model and that with technology's relentless march cameras were doing everything video cameras can do, only better. Sort of reminded me of iPhones and the failed N-Guage (scroll down). This is turning out to be a very attractive option.


But before I could go out and do something stupid my brother has graciously offered the use of his own rig which, considering his occupation as a cameraman, just goes to show that brotherly love is alive and well.


But it looks so fucking cool.


Feeling more determined than ever I sent out another round of emails, this one to everyman AND his dog. I tried to reword the email to look more honest, less like spam and with a touch of desperation. I am Mbau'nu Gmabini, African Dimplomatic Consort... it begins. I decided to contact games companies and you know what I've discovered? They probably get so much unwanted mail that they've just removed all contact information from their websites. I wrote a letter to the editor of Hyper Magazine (my fav.) asking him how he gets interviews set up when I can't even figure out how to contact games developers. I suppose it really is about who you know. I know a guy at Blizzard, looks like the doco might be a little bias. Just kidding.


Anyway I was all tuckered out from the futility of sending hundreds of emails to spam folders and ready to call it a night when I noticed a little white bar in my inbox. Thinking it was some kind of error I investigated further only to find out it was a punctual (5 minutes after sending) reply from one Mr. Madsen, the master of the ever popular Little Gamers webcomic. He wished me best of luck and agreed to mention my doco on his site. Finally the project might get some exposure to the gaming public (and hopefully other influential games media types, *cough* Penny Arcade *cough* will see it) and then it's just a question of if people really are interested. I have actually started to get no less than three people very interested and they are, at this moment, my heroes.


On a professional note, with only three weeks left I've done some math and realised I can't possibly finish all the work I've started for my Comic Con folio. I love having ideas and starting things but a fully finished piece of art is a difficult thing to nail down. I'll give it my best shot, once I finish FFXIII and my Warhammer subscription runs out it's just me and my tablet (and seeing everyone before I leave, family stuff and organising the trip... buying a new camera, learning to use a SLR and finalising plans, sorting out accommodation and travel routes/costs/dates AAAAAH). I almost feel like if my previous job hadn't collapsed I wouldn't have actually had time to plan this whole thing at all. Blessings in disguise.

Oh I'm also having a going away party at my place on the 3rd July. If you can make it feel free to come!

Continue? Hell yes.

Outside the dream world life can be harsh--even cruel, but it is life.

I am making this post because I'm trying to be a thorough documentarian and even documentaries about how awesome gamer culture is need a little drama.

Right now, at 12:10am Tuesday 8th June, I am fucking depressed. I just wrote an email to my fiancee trying to nut out what it is about our relationship that is making me feel reluctant about being engaged and the whole documentary/trip is scaring the shit out of me.

I'm unemployed in a small room, lonely as hell and this whole thing just isn't working. My painting is actually looking pretty sweet but it's hard to find the motivation for more than a few sessions a week (that's terribad). It's like my previous life lies behind me; the family, friends, job, home and my new life is around the corner so I'm just preparing in some isolated limbo. I've spent the better part of the whole weekend playing Final Fantasy XIII.

Since making the website to try and get some attention for the doco and the whole 'stay with gamers' thing I've comepletely failed at getting people to look at the website. Turns out without any money it's actually quite hard.

I wrote to every games news website, no replies.

I submitted a tip to every games news website.

I contacted the writers of popular blogs, no replies.

I managed to become a full member of N4G.com and had a news link to the website posted on the culture page but it was only there for about 3 hours before being bumped off the first page.

My friends suggested posting on gamer forums which I thought was a great idea, because that's where the gamers actually interact. However this turned out to be a fools errand as mods, it seem, frown upon people who join forums to advertise their website, no matter how relevent. If I ever meet a Mod I may just headbutt them, they are the online equivalent of Mall-Security. My doco may end up being about the myth of the gamer community, and the prevalence of assholes on xbox live and online forums =P

It's interesting, if I saw something like this project I would definitely shoot them an email but at the same time, I probably wouldn't actually notice it as I haven't managed to get on any games news website.

I've been out twice to buy a camera and twice had my pro-help bail on me, but tomorrow we will try again. If i stick to my budget on the camera I'll be down to about $2,000 left when I fly out. Hopefully my tax return will kick in sooner than later. My work hasn't called back about the extra weeks or maybe paying some of the thousands still outstanding :/

On a lighter note I've started a robust exercise regime which is giving me much more energy. It's not wise to live such a sedentary life; sleeping in late, gaming, painting, eating pizza and then suddenly fly across the world for 3 months of rough living. Exercise is good people, plus it combats depression effectively.

Maybe I'll write back to that girl who admired my sketches on the bus, connecting with people always cheers me up.

And what do you know someone in San Fran who saw my website has sent me a very enthusiastic email...

I wanna shoooooot something =P

What with working on a tight budget and all there's been no spare gil for Red Dead Redemption. This has left me playing embarrassing amounts of Warhammer Online, like a true gaming addict. I think gaming addiction as an idea is a bit like sex addiction. It's natural to want to do it all the time. Well, at least for guys. Even 'The Sims' bores my fiancee eventually. That's what we call our special time. But when I look at my gaming log and realise I have perhaps spent slightly more time over the past week living a virtual life than my actual life I don't feel shame but rather a sense of accomplishment. Not only in regards to rewards offered by the game for such dedicated investment but also in successfully making, if only for a week, my real life into the dream.

Breaking from this existential switcheroo, I've redoubled efforts in preparation of my trip. It's such a huge thing I'm trying to pull off here the lead time is retarded. Look at this, an extract from correspondence with my friend in LA:

Visa is approved, got my passport and flight itiniary.

Got a sizable backpack and doctors appt. for meds.

Travel insurance check, extra for camera, ipod, second testical.

Drivers License test book, driving lesson pending...

Scrounged together some cash (phew) through parentals and frugal Mee Goreng diet.

Painting Furiously! Progressing gradually.

Cat on windowsill wont stop meowing, tried to wind window closed but cat was getting stuck :/

Continuing to try and advertise website, got two responses! Mods are out to get me.

Paid last month of rent, moving furniture/books/stuff to teh country next weekend.

Beginnign exercise regime to be in some kind of health to travel.

Requested release contracts to shoot at conventions.

Bought 16 cans of Mother.

Going to Yarram again to teach media class.

Got a call from work about doing a few more weeks, I asked to be paid they're gonna get back to me.

Practicing Stand-Up comedy on lengthy night-walks like madman.

Looking at booking wetern rail trip to seattle, should be awesome once i figure out where I'm departing from. gg.

Plans going very well for Vancouver!

Met some Arcade junkies from LA.

Buying camera on tuesday, must stick to budget.

Developing a healthy nervous vibration through entire body.

On top of that I've rediscovered the joys of other games, free ones. If you are thinking PoP Cap not quite, rather League of Legends and *gasp* games I forgot I'd already bought but hadn't had time to play while working.

Being now 27, I managed to avoid DOTA altogether. Only now am I learning that there is this whole rich gaming history being cemented at the moment. I suppose I would describe it as Action/RTS but it's really more than that, by which I mean less. DOTA, and therefore both HoN and LoL are one specific game. If Warcraft 3 was D&D, then DOTA is one single instance from one specific campaign. But like Chess, limiting the objectives and environmental variables place a much higher emphasis on skill and increase the weight of each decision. I guess you'd have to play it to really understand any of this gibberish but fortunately you can. For free...

DOTA was a Warcraft 3 mod, Heroes of Newerth is a standalone product that is effectively an official version of DOTA and League of Legends is like a spinoff with many things adjusted to create a game that is similar in feel but identifiably new. The only difference I'm concerned with is that LoL is free to play. The art style is a little eekish but it definitely gives the game it's own personality (much like Blizzards own IPs) and the game is very fun being much more consistent than DOTA and, to the disgust of hardcore RTSers, much easier to get into. I quickly figured out how to use a charming little hero with a huge gun by stacking attach speed and crit% and have been sticking to her whilst occasionally trying to use the nuking-scarecrow I unlocked the other day. After playing a PvP MMO like WAR for so long it was refreshing to be able to play a complete game in 45 minutes, in which time I became accustomed to my character and my enemies, leveled up, bought gear and ground mobs.

Before I sleep each night I read a little of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time saga. Now that he's passed on I read carefully and with reverence, knowing that with each word I read my resource is slowly being depleted. To offset my consumption I've been flipping open the ol' DS to Puzzle Quest, which is basically Bejwelled but somehow fun. I'm not quite sure if I feel alright playing it for any length of time given my contempt for timewasting flash games but it has a levelling system and you gain abilities and can purchase items so I guess it's okay. Turning Bejewelled into the combat mechanism of an RPG is a stroke of brilliance, I wonder what other simple flash games could serve the same sinister purpose?

Finally, Fantasy XIII. This game actually belongs to the friend I live with, the moral ground here is extremely hazy. I suppose, as an industry wannabe, I object to the resale of games. I certainly object to stores like EBGames reselling games (and purchasing second-hand games). You don't see CD/DVD stores offering you $3 store credit for Iron Man 2 Blue Ray or the latest Miley Cirus album (is that who the kids like now?) and those products are much cheaper to produce, assuming that theatre releases cover the expenses of actual film production. I don't mind people selling old games privately, as I don't mind collectors record stores. But undercutting revenue by publicly reselling new release games seems pretty damn evil to me. Particularly as 100% of the resale is retained by the store. So what about if your friend has a new game and they just finished it so they lend it to you? Or as in my case, a housemate or family member owns the game? Legally that's fine, at least you aren't handing cash over to a middle-man, but I feel strange when I pay full price for one experience only to enjoy another for nothing. Oh well, the game itself has yet to live up to the FF experience although I'll forge on because on PATV they said it actually does pick up at around the 30hour mark.

SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!

At some point today, the sun went down. My cat ate it's food and I think it rained. People were in my house, but they're gone now. I know these things through pure observation; it's dark and wet outside, the lights are on and the cat's bowl is empty. But I haven't seen anyone or noticed anything, so engrossed was I with my work. The whole day is spent and I'm suddenly very cold and hungry.

I've done much the same lost in a video game, but I find painting or any digital work (website in this case) to be absolutely engrossing, to the point where I realise that I've had the same cd on repeat all day. I've heard this track maybe ten, twelve times. It's DJ Shadow though so I can still get into it.

The fruits of my labor:

Love to Play: USA

Now to send the emails out before monday morning rolls around to America! First maybe a pizza to celebrate another victory over sloth. I'm going to buy a camera in the next couple of days after consulting with a bar full of film graduates. No, it wasn't really a coincidence, it's precisely why I was there. Running low on money, but getting everything done and lined up. Called a friend of mine who will be in LA and is rooming with me during Comic Con, he's super excited and his determination revived my flagging spirits. In all the planning I nearly forgot how insanely fun every moment is going to be. Originally Comic Con was my entire reason for going! Could be a friend in San Fran at the start of August too.

Now before you go saying that I've been so pre-occupied with this documentary that I've forgotten what gaming is all about, I blew my entire weekend in a marathon Warhammer Online session that was both epic and probably the most fun I've had on a computer. They revised their City Seige, what is supposed to be jewel in the end-game-content crown and now it finally sparkles as the best experience the game has to offer. Ridiculously fun! I was thinking of taking a break to play some other games like Lost Planet 2, BlazBlue and the Dragon Age expansion (after I finally got into the game), but with no job I can no longer justify buying them or anything but food and electricity.

Gonna check out League of Legends on the advice of a friend from Warhammer who I will be meeting in California in a couple of months. He promised to take me to Medieval Times! That in itself will be worth the $2k air fare.

Well my thought for today was a bit about gaming culture. I'm on the cusp of proving my hypothesis based on community reaction to my website and appeal for aid and I'm thinking good and hard about whether that culture really does engender a sense of community. I know I certainly feel it. The people who attend PAX each year look like they do, but is that enough to say that it does? If I hear someone drop the reference "You spoony bard!" and our eyes meet for a moment does my smile appear knowing or bizarrely unwelcome? Can we celebrate that bond, or must we be discreet? Are you more likely to trust someone, or at least to feel a connection if they have shared the same virtual experiences as you? One way or another, I think I'll be too afraid to check my inbox this week for fear of that knowledge.

C-C-C-Combo Breaker!

Finished my flashy video appealing for hosts in august! Now to put it up on a splash page and contact EVERYBODY. Time to cross the fingers and see if this monkey flies.



The success and validity of my trip really hinges on this. If I can't find benevolent gamers to stay with untill PAX then I can't afford to stay untill PAX. But that is sort of the hypothesis of this experiment; gamers are cool people and by and large will let me hang out with them based on the knowlege that I too am a gamer and therefore a 'brother in culture'. I'm also Australian and fortunately we are famous for our easy-going friendly nature, rightly so :)

Progress continues on the folio, my results are never entirely satisfying but then this pushes me to improve. It's very hard to gauge whether I'm good enough for a job internationally, but it's not like I'm trying to start at the top. Any studio that understands english and are willing to have me would be fantastic. I figure if I have to ask, I'm not there yet but when I do something and it makes me grin with satisfaction it will be the proverbial "shit".

Reading information on the U.S. Embassy website it seems that yes, the most appropriate way for me to go about getting work overseas is to travel on a temporary 90day visa and then apply for work/attend interviews while there. If I am then offered a position I must return to Australia and attend an interview for an E3 visa for specialists from Australia working in the U.S. which I can only get if I have a job offer. I am concerned that prospective employers may be reluctant given the process but at least there is a clear possibility and I know how to go about it and that's a lot better than uncertainty.

Nervous, working hard, uncertain, excited.

Viewtiful!

Spent this week prepping assets for the website and recording the video which will hopefully convince people that I'm a) serious, b) legit and c) only the good kind of crazy.

It features a guest appearance by my brother who is helping with editing the whole thing once I return from America in October. I like to high-five. We also did about twenty takes of each line as I'm not a professional actor and I just wrote what I was going to say that morning then tried to memorise it off the computer screen. But that's all part of the fun of documentation. These things I am saying will become clearer when the site goes up.

Being prematurely unemployed has given me too much time to spend playing Warhammer Online. My main toon (character) is now rr62 (rr80 being the highest level) with full warlord gear (second-best gear) ready to equip when I hit rr70. I'll be able to make a formidable dps (damage per second: class that does damage as opposed to healing or tanking) build around rr65 with 900 strength (soft cap (the point at which any further bonuses are x0.33) is 1050, strength determines main damage output) and +20% Melee Crit. (increased chance to score a critical hit which does damage x2.00) which isn't bad with their AA+ (auto-attack speed increase, in this case 50%) and various debuffs (attacks which reduce defenders stats such as armor, toughness, wounds, chance to crit, run speed, healing). I've also been grinding scenarios (arranged contained objective based skirmishes) for emblems (token system) to buy the sweet glaive that will ice this hate-cake.

See what I mean about playing too much? Oh and on the off chance that anyone reading this actually plays WAR, my toon's name is Valeigra Valentine, of MoC (formerly of Scion, formerly known as Scion of Anlec) and I play on Volkmar (formerly Ironrock, formerly Anlec). So /wave me or chat to me in-game if you feel compelled.

The great thing about a MMO is the social gaming opportunity it offers. Playing with hundreds of other people from all over the world and working together from the comfort of your own home. Zero risk social activity. This is great for obvious reasons, but can also lead to feelings of obligation and inclusion/exclusion that could have your friends and family worrying. But it's no different to being in a sporting club or a gang, the same social onus applies. Australia is a country where it's perfectly normal to spend every waking minute toiling away for your local cricket club, but giving the same dedication to a virtual club of gamers will have you soon facing an intervention. Personally I prefer the one that doesn't champion the excessive consumption of alcohol and encourage competitive abuse.

I really do love being in my guild and playing with a regular group of people. We use Ventrilo to chat to each other and play most nights. Last year when I was living alone and working they became my regular social circle, as I rarely had time to go to the pub and weekends were spent in the countryside with my fiancee (the fact that she plays too is one of the reasons I kept going). Lately what with being in a state of unemployment I've had more time to balance with other friends (whom I've missed!) but the friends I've made online are friends I want to keep. I was planning on making Warhammer the first and last MMO I ever played (because I feel that, as a hardcore gamer, I must play every genre at least once) but if the guild moves to another game (that doesn't suck as much as Aion) then I will follow. From this appreciation has come a huge piece of art I've been working on for way too long. I hope my guildies enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed spending my time with them. To that end I present you all with a huge illustration project I've finally finished; Scion of Anlec >:D

Enjoy!

A new challenger approaches...

A week in the countryside staying with my Fiancee gave me some time to clear the head but it's proving hard to get back into the swing of things. I've assessed my savings, limited as they now are, and decided that I can still go ahead with the adventure... it'll just be even more er, adventurous.

This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K9y6MYDSAww

...is awesome and exciting. Thanks Penny Arcade for yet another valuable resource. They are really doing all the research here, I think that's one of the reasons they're such a popular hub for gamers. Once the website is up (i keep saying that, but I've given myself a deadline of this weekend) I will definitely be in contact. Hope she's still in Cali :)

I've made tentative contact with some wonderful Canadians through a work colleague and that sounds like it's going to be a fun leg of the trip. I've also bought my ticket to PAX so the northern leg of my trip is locked in. I can think of it like this:

July - California, San Diego, California
August- San Jose, Sacramento, San Fran, ????
September - Seattle, Vancouver, Seattle

Two months away, kinda scary yeah? But it will be utterly awesome.

Today's image is Taokaka, my latest favourite fighting girl from BlazBlue which I finally got my hands on. I grabbed it from VideoGames Girls DB, it's like a image-base of girls, but each of them has been designed by a team of artists. I love the idea in the abstract.

Chemical Plant Zone

The honeymoon period for this project has ended and now it's feeling like work, which is good because there's a lot to do and it has to be done well.

I need to start keeping a running map of the connections I'm making with various people. Through a few close friends I've really lucked out and this trip is looking more achievable by the day. The documentary? Like I said there's a lot of work to be done.

I've been working on the elements for the website, as I'm doing most everything myself, but I have yet to write a script for the welcome video that must go up there on page one. I can't imagine people volunteering to be a part of this project if they don't even know what I look like or trust I can make it through a scentence without foaming at the mouth.

Website, meeting local people who can help with the documentary side and wrangling a camera, these are my current priorities.

Being terminated from my current employ (did I mention that? it's making things more difficult than they were going to be but hey, I've already bought my ticket) has given me ample time though, but I must confess to spending most of it playing games and painting artwork for my folio. However by the time I finish one picture I need to do another to replace it, so quickly am I improving.

I saw Kick Ass the other day and although entirely unrelated, I cannot stress how purely awesome this movie is. It's about to come out in the US, so go see it lest shitty 3D remakes like Clash of the Titans enslave mankind. I knew it was going to be excellent and dragging some hesitant friends along for a welcome surprise was well worth the price of admission (now $20+ in Australia).

Finally I leant to play the Chemical Plant Zone level music from Sonic the Hedgehog 2 on guitar the other day. Better than most youtube clowns, not as well as this guy. It's my favourite Sonic track, I feel it should be performed on a keyboard but my keys are being stored sideways in a house in the country... rad. Every time I get the idea to do a Metal project, discover it has all been done before. Such is the ultimately nerdy nature of metal. Even my idea to do a concept album where each track is based on an episode of The Prisoner, the show that inspired Lost, was already done by none other than Devil Doll (The Girl Who Was... Death in 1989) fronted by the insane Mr. Docter. Videogames and metal is an awesome concept, but one that is currently being explored by about a million people who are all more talented than I so I'll leave them to it for now... get back to my 'Like Radiohead but darker and crap'.

Oh, after all the shit they've put Sonic through since Sonic Adventure (2 sucked balls) they are finally making Sonic 4! I hope it does well or we are doomed to werewolf/rail-shooter sonic games where you don't play as sonic and the main challenge is the buggy programming. Oh lord let it be good.

PRO TIP: Ducking will make you immune to Dr Robotnik's chemical attack at the end of Act 2.

Ding!

I haven't made a post for a while because, after an anxious week that made her think I was breaking up with her, I proposed to my girlfriend at the base of a waterfall in Tasmania. Our relationship meter was full so it was high time I leveled up the relationship. More believably I wanted to give her a sign of my undying love and commitment to her before I go traipsing off across America.

I know there must be some, but no instances of proposals in videogames come to mind. Even marriages are scarce. I guess it's such a girl-thing and games have only recently become sensative to the female playerbase (outside of The Sims). Although I did find this old Unreality article about people hacking games to propose. At first I thought 'Augh! Why didn't I do that?' but by the end I was pretty sure I knew why. The super mario one has been taken down but can still be found here.

I don't really identify with Australian culture. Brought up in a culturally mixed household I've done more rejecting than embracing. I certainly don't feel any particular affection for American lifestyles. Japanese scare me. But I feel like there is one community to which I am interwoven, whose idioms and experiences are wholly mine. The global culture of the internet (which gaming ties into as the internet is their mmain portal for communication). The western coast of North America (including Vancouver) is the closest I think I can get to a physical location, so that's where I'm headed.